Your True Self and Your Conditioned Self
You have two basic selves, your True Self (who you REALLY are at the Soul level) and the Conditioned Self (who you have learned or been conditioned to be.)
Your True Self is unconditioned, grounded in love and all possibility and doesn’t have the learned limitations that your Conditioned Self has. Your True Self loves to stretch you beyond your learned limitations so that you grow and develop. You experienced this impulse to expand when you learned to sit then to walk then to run. This same self-directed desire to expand invites you to grow in new ways throughout your life.
Through your conscious and subconscious mind, your Conditioned Self learned all kinds of patterns and limitations in order to stay alive and safe in this world. Your Conditioned Self loves security and control, and the easiest way to maintain security and control is to live within the limitations you learned—because they’ve worked to keep you alive thus far. The Conditioned Self learned through fear and it is ever on the lookout for things to be afraid of.
One of the things that causes your Conditioned Self to be afraid are the crazy inspirations of the True Self to grow beyond your learned boundaries–to expand in new and interesting ways. Anything new causes the Conditioned Self to turn cautious and afraid. Anytime you begin to stretch into an expansion inspired by the True Self, you experience some sort of fear, but you don’t always recognize it as fear. That’s why I call it resistance.
Resistance can show up as emotions like fear, anger, resentment, defensiveness, jealousy, betrayal, etc., as well as unconscious self-sabotage, blaming, transference, accusing others of what you yourself are doing, taking things personally that are not meant that way, distraction, denial, among many other reaction. It can also come as sensations like your chest tightening or your throat clenching or butterflies in the stomach. Even headaches, physical pains and illness can be forms or resistance.
Resistance is Your Friend
Believe it or not, resistance is actually your friend. Here’s why:
- Resistance shows up when you are inspired to stretch yourself and grow. It’s just part of the process of growth. The more you challenge yourself, the more resistance you will encounter. It’s how you know you are forging new ground.
- Resistance isn’t personal, even though it can feel intensely personal. Everyone experiences resistance, and those who actively work to expand themselves experience more of it. The people who seem not ho have resistance have just learned the secret to letting it go.
- Resistance shows you where your learned limitations are. People whose primary life directive is to avoid resistance stay stuck inside their learned boundaries their entire lives. How sad is that?
When you let go of or transcend (rather than overcome, beat back, deny, ignore or otherwise fight resistance), you get a natural high, so learning to let go of resistance is its own reward. When you try to overcome, beat back, deny, ignore or otherwise fight resistance you strengthen the resistance the same way you strengthen a muscle that you push against, and though it may decrease in the moment, it will come back at a less convenient time, and often stronger than it was in the first place.
How to Let Go of Resistance
Listen below for a guided process of letting go of resistance, or follow the written steps below:
Written Instructions for Releasing Resistance
Close your eyes and take ten long, slow, deep, easy breaths all the way into your deep belly.
- As you do this, you don’t want to try to change the resistance or intentionally dissolve or breath away the resistance. You simply want to use your breath to bring you into your Soul-level awareness of resistance.
- Sit with the experience of resistance from your Soul-level calm. Your body may experience sensation, emotion, or other intensities, but that’s okay. That’s just the old fear expressing itself. Don’t try to create a story around it or try to understand it. Just notice it. Stay here for several breaths.
- Noticing your resistance from your Soul-level awareness in this way can be enough to allow the resistance to shift on its own, which immediately creates new spaces and shifts the energy into the assistance you need to move forward with whatever you were resisting.
- If it doesn’t shift on its own, then thank the resistance with as much gratitude as you can feel—it’s been holding onto this old limitation for a long time in order to help you, then bless the resistance with as much love and compassion as you can feel—it has only ever been there to help and serve you, and then invite it to be free—what it really wants is to be free, but it needs to do this in its own time, not be directed or manipulated by you.
- Keep doing this until the resistance dissolves into peace. A note here—often resistance is layered, so that as one layer dissolves another rises in its place that may feel very different. Keep doing this process until all the layers have dissolved into peace.
- The big payoff here is that once you allow a layer of resistance to express itself fully (which I admit can feel very uncomfortable in the process) it is gone forever. When you try to direct the experience or cut it off because it is uncomfortable, then you store it away again to be experienced at a less convenient time.
Yummy when you get to that peace, isn’t it? If your resistance didn’t shift all the way the first time, don’t worry. You may not have stayed there long enough, you may just need more practice, or it may have been a very sticky resistance that needs some extra help to shift into assistance. If that’s the case, then listen to the recording if you haven’t yet.
If you find that you want to go deeper with this, then be one of the first to get in on my upcoming Activate the Sacred Self Training. This will be offered first to subscribers of the Transcend the Chaos So You Can Transform Yourself & the World Speaker Series. No matter where you see yourself on the Sacred Activism spectrum, it all starts with calming the inner chaos so that you can hear your quiet heart beneath the noise of your life and your brain. This series connects you with great speakers and programs to help you cultivate the calm so that when I roll out the trainings, you’ll speed through them much more quickly.